Thursday, March 10, 2011

New Rule (spoof) - Entry to banks will be restricted with full body scan.

TORONTO, CANADA - It has been brought to our attention at First City Bank of Toronto that banking customers have been sneaking into the bank with suspected explosive devices and with this, we felt it necessary to bring in a new screening procedure for all banking customers and start full body scans and pat-downs.

We got the idea from the TSA in the USA.
Toronto, CANADA - November 24/2010   We realize we have bullet proof glass around the tellers, but it was discovered this may not withstand the explosive nature of an explosive device, so we felt it necessary to institute these new procedures. Please be patient and understanding as we will be as discreet as possible, although we may have to "grope" some persons who we feel are concealing any kind of contraband (ie. bombs)

You will have the option of going through our full body scan which is "allegedly" safe, and the radiation is very minimal (so we say,) and if we don't find the suspected explosive we will do a public, full body pat-down, if you don't comply, we will freeze all your funds in all your bank accounts, and if you were to die in an explosion, we have the right to your full estate if you die while being a customer of  First City Bank of Toronto. This is a picture of a Bank, but not ours, of course.
It has also been brought to our attention that the full body scan does not detect explosive materials, we feel it is then necessary to do a very thorough pat-down checking all "junk" on all passengers, I mean customers.

This is not a joke, since we do not conduct such stringent policies unless it is absolutely necessary and although we are not any part of the Federal Government we feel it is appropriate to conduct these new security measures.

If you fail to comply after entering the lobby of the Bank, the armed security staff, with the full force of the Federal Government will wrestle you to the ground and if need be, they will "taze you man," and you will have no recourse but to comply.

I'm sorry, but because of this new ruling by our head office, we cannot provide private pat-downs (we never even thought of that) and they will be conducted right in front of the other customers lined up as they enter the banking tellers area.

We realize this may seem to some to be a little extreme, we just can't take the chance of someone blowing up our bank with the fact that we have so much cash on hand (mostly $100 bills.)

Click READ MORE below to read on about "New Rules" City Bank of Toronto ....